There is a minor detail that I left out of my back story. More like major detail. And one I don't care to reveal at this time. I can tell you that it is a painful part of our marriage, and I am still trying to overcome the pain associated with it. Often times, I feel as if I am cracked, and will never feel repaired. I second guess the decision to give this marriage another chance. I call these my Sad Days.
Yesterday was a Sad Day. HoH and I fought, processed, discussed, argued, and it all led to hurt feelings, moments of hopelessness, and bad juju. We carried on this way all the way until bedtime. I knew we did not want to go to bed hurt and feeling this way. I suggested that he find a way to get a lecture out of this, spank me, and then we could have sweet sex (instead of our usual rough -n- dirty stuff). I knew I was going to have trouble getting over-the-hump to feel close before bed. HoH didn't really want to spank me because of all the hurt I was feeling. I asked him to find a way.
He gave me a lecture about creating distance between us, and said he was going to spank me because I had widened that gap. He decided upon 8 licks with a belt. This was a first time for the belt. I bent over the bed, and he pulled down my pants and underwear. Oh sweet sting!
Afterwards, we tried our hardest to have nice, sweet lovemaking...but it only degraded into slut talk and rough sex. No complaints here.