An Alternative Due to Bruising

The spanking from Friday left my bottom bruised.  Three spots - two on my cheeks (just bluish/purple and half dollar sized) and one where my leg and bottom meet (big, ugly and red/purple). It seems incredible that I would be bruised. Don't get me wrong - the spanking hurt like hell. However, it didn't seem to be anything intolerable, and so the bruising was a complete shocker for both of us.

I need to go to the OBGYN but I am going to have to delay that visit.

So, last night when we were supposed to be cooking together (him cooking, me calling out ingredients and directions), I was a little short. He sent me away so he could cook dinner alone.  I came back some time later to check on things, and was told I had to write 50 sentences that say "My mouth is for eating and sucking cock, not being disrespectful."

Wow. Okay.

I actually did it, and it took a while (that is a long sentence to write!) but I believe a few things are in the works. One, that damn chat he went to.  Surely he got this idea from them!  Two, the bruising. I bet he is hesitant to spank when I am already bruised and needing to go to the OBGYN. Regardless, I do think a spanking would have been more effective.

Phat Chat

I stumbled upon two chat opportunities for HoHs...one is on Sunday nights and one is on Thursday nights. Last night, HoH had the opportunity to join in on a chat with other HoHs, compare notes, ask questions, etc.  For this particular chat, wives/partners were not allowed!  Mainly it was comprised of those who practice either Domestic Discipline or Taken in Hand.  My HoH said that there are some harsh punishers in the group. Yikes!

On to other news, HoH and I have been fighting all day as we work on our daughter's room. Almost got a spanking (in position and everything) but I think he didn't do it because he was angry.  I believe I will be getting something a little later.  If so, I will post about it. *sigh* I don't know if a spanking right now is a good or a bad thing, considering I am having submission issues.  Maybe it will fix things. Maybe it will make me resentful.  At this point, it could go either way.

If you have some helpful advice, please share in the comments. I need help!

Outta the Groove

It only took being away for the weekend for all the wonderful submissive progress I have made to sort of disappear.  I have been sick - exhausted, sore throat, nauseated - and my mouth has been full of accusations, anger, snide remarks, and not an ounce of submissiveness.

HoH has been confused about what to do.  He doesn't want to spank me while I am sick. On the other hand, I feel like he is more interested in trying to "get off" than do what I think a good HoH should do: Take care of and baby me when I am sick.

This disconnect, and the failure of the my expectation being met, has turned me into a class A bitch.  I am pretty sure my bottom needs to look like this.

Emotional Rollercoaster

We have barely just begun this journey, and I am confused at how unloved it feels when HoH does not make corrections. It feels like he doesn't care enough to put out the effort.

I left a huge mess on the floor.  Why? I am lazy, I was feeling a little depressed about feeling distant, and I was engulfed in hurt.  HoH came into the room, picked up the mess, and left.  No lecture. No spanking. No reconnecting/being taken care of afterward.  Oh, and also no spank to get back on track after feeling distant.

Truthfully, I secretly wonder if this means I am screwed up.  Why is getting a spanking the thing that brings us back?  Am I really feeling upset that I did NOT get spanked?  Why didn't he spank me? Does he not really want this? Am I reading too much into this, and if so, why do I instinctively feel this way?

On the other hand, it would have been so comforting for him to care enough to follow through. It would have meant he wanted us back on track. It would have meant he wants to continue to be a good leader.  It would have meant I could have felt better about everything that has transpired.