Double Trouble or The Hand and The Belt

Yes, it has happened - spanked twice in one day.

This afternoon, when the family arrived home, I was just plain off.  I couldn't stop repetitive thoughts about past marital and life failures, and I was bubbling with anger and sadness.  I started right away on HoH, chastising him and being critical.  I couldn't shake it. I wanted him to feel the same pain I was feeling. I pushed and pushed until he made the decision.  In the room. Door shut. TV turned up loud. Pants down. Undies on. The Hand. I have no idea how many I got, but I do know that it hurt after only something like 4 or 5 of them. I would guess I got around 20 solid, hard spanks.

It helped, a little.

Fast forward a few hours, after spending time at the park with our friends and one large gin drink later. Mouthy. Yes, that is probably the right word. HoH and I were just not connected.  After arguing about dinner, and who would make it, and various other thing, I thought he was getting up to make dinner. Instead he shut the door, took off his belt, and again, it was punishment time.  Over the underwear. Belt. 15 solid hits. OUCH! My bottom is bright red. It stings really badly.

This was the break through spank. I am feeling much better. I feel like some of that darkness was let go.  The sting is reminding me that I am cared for. That it matters when we aren't connected.  That I should and can be the better person that I want to be. That it is time to get back into submissive mode, where things are easier.

Disconnect/Reconnect

This morning was a Sad Day. I had intrusive thoughts about previous marital problems.  I had a few tears roll down my cheeks, and tried hard to get out of that head space.  HoH took our oldest daughter to synagogue and I stayed home with the youngest.  I ate a bunch of food, read books to the little one, took a bubble bath...

HoH returned home and things still seemed off.  After a late lunch, HoH and I sat on the couch to hang out.  He ended up taking me downstairs, saying that he felt we were disconnected. He started a bit wishy-washy but ultimately took the lead, and told me that I needed a correction. He felt this is what was needed to bring us back together.

We went to the small junk room (a.k.a. The Spanking Room) and he pulled out the new whack paddle.  I immediately tried to talk him out of it.  He told me to turn around. Over the underwear. He started with a warm up of smacks on alternating cheeks, then moved on to some harder smacks. Just when I thought it was going to be too much, he stopped. 

I didn't move from position.  I felt like I was going to start bawling.  He pulled me up toward him, or told me to come to him, and we stood hugging for quite a while. Then he kissed me, and hugged me, and we stood there together, embracing a bit longer.

Afterwards, we had sex. It was mainly just straight sex but it was nice to connect a second time.  Now we are hanging out on the couch, me making this entry and he watching the football game.

Cracks and Belts

There is a minor detail that I left out of my back story. More like major detail. And one I don't care to reveal at this time. I can tell you that it is a painful part of our marriage, and I am still trying to overcome the pain associated with it.  Often times, I feel as if I am cracked, and will never feel repaired. I second guess the decision to give this marriage another chance. I call these my Sad Days.

Yesterday was a Sad Day. HoH and I fought, processed, discussed, argued, and it all led to hurt feelings, moments of hopelessness, and bad juju.  We carried on this way all the way until bedtime. I knew we did not want to go to bed hurt and feeling this way.  I suggested that he find a way to get a lecture out of this, spank me, and then we could have sweet sex (instead of our usual rough -n- dirty stuff).  I knew I was going to have trouble getting over-the-hump to feel close before bed. HoH didn't really want to spank me because of all the hurt I was feeling. I asked him to find a way.

He gave me a lecture about creating distance between us, and said he was going to spank me because I had widened that gap. He decided upon 8 licks with a belt. This was a first time for the belt.  I bent over the bed, and he pulled down my pants and underwear.  Oh sweet sting!

Afterwards, we tried our hardest to have nice, sweet lovemaking...but it only degraded into slut talk and rough sex. No complaints here.