A Little Sugar

It has been a while since we had sex - like a whole week.  The combo of exhaustion and the pregnancy shocker did it.  For us, that is a long time. We usually have sex daily or almost daily, and if not that, then as least some kind of fooling around.  As sometimes happens with me, if we have any kind of break, it becomes hard for me to get into that initial re-start of sex. We call is getting Over the Hump. 

Last night we had Over the Hump sex. It was eh.  In the middle of Over the Hump sex, I do have a little bit of a hard time becoming aroused, and it bothers me.  No matter what HoH does, I just cannot get my head in the game that first time.  And as always, I am always a little fearful that we won't somehow get back to the good stuff.  It is just an unrealistic fear, but...

This morning, after a little sugar that involved "as rough as one is comfortable while remembering that one partner is pregnant," I would say that the fear is gone and we are definitely over and past the hump.

The ON in Connection

Sex alone can be a good connector when a couple is feeling disconnected.  Spanking can also be a good connector when a couple is feeling disconnected.  But the Spank-Sex combo...well, that, my dear friends, is the *real* connector!

Coming off the two-spank day, and adding a little hot sex into the mix, really does the job. It makes me want to perform acts of submission. It makes me want to go new places with it, even though I am hesitant to try something new in the submission department.

And it makes me have an insatiable sexual appetite. I just want it, or really, want my own pleasure-play where he is involved in making it happen.  For that slice of time, I cannot get enough, and it cannot be dirty enough, and it cannot be rough enough..I just want hot, dirty, rough, submissive sex.

There. I wrote it. Back in my turtle shell.

Practicing Submission

Submission is not my normal state. I am a leader, and one who enjoys organizing, accomplishing, planning, and producing. I do that in the work place, in my religious life, and in my volunteer work. A lot of people rely on me, and I enjoy the benefit of self-satisfaction when I accomplish my goals. Traditionally, at home, I also had a strong voice, and exercised control over that area of my life. Therefore, submissiveness has been a challenge for me.

I do find submission in the bedroom to be much easier than out of the bedroom. In the bedroom, there is something electrifying about having to do what one is told, or be touched at will, or not being the director of the scene. I have been trying to stretch myself in that area, doing things I don't really want to do but doing so anyway because my HoH would find it pleasing.  Even typing that makes me on some level cringe, and on some level be proud at my growth in this area. Some of the things I have done to try to tap into my submissiveness in the bedroom:

Had sex in the closet with the door shut and while the light in there was off when I was trying to get ready. Usually, I would say "Not now!" but I just turned to face the shoe rack and hold on, took my panties down, and let him enter me.

He asked me to retrieve a paper he asked me to throw away (I delegated it to my daughter), he discreetly shut the door and told me to carry it in my mouth, and crawl it to the trash can. I complied.

Without him asking, I shaved my entire nether region even though I HATE HATE HATE it like that. I did it to show him that I can and will submit to his will even though he didn't specifically ask.

I told him he had my permission to do what he wanted with or to me when I was sleeping last night. This is a big step for me, to give consensual non-consent. Again, I did this to show him that his pleasure is important, that my body is his to do with what he want, and that I trust him with my body.  He touched me while I slept, came all over my bottom, then rubbed it in to my bottom and back.

I have asked a few times, is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything you want me to do? Do you want a back rub? Can I get you anything?  This is NOT my normal default mode!

I have taken the initiative to look around for kink hotels that we could stay at if we ever get any extra money, and then I showed him the various rooms and what they look like.

I started a Pinterest page with things that I think would interest him, like Rope Work photographs, spanked photographs, lingerie photographs, erotic furniture/implements photographs, etc. Soon, when it is more populated, I will share the site with all of you in case you are interested in following it.

 

Inspection Perfection

Today, I was subjected to a body inspection after my shower.

I had to kneel on an ottoman with my stomach on the bed, with my ass presented to him.  He said that this is position 1.  He checked my anal hole thoroughly, then my vagina.  He felt it for smoothness, smelled it for cleanliness, and tasted it for freshness. He spent some time licking my clit.  He felt around inside of it, too.

He then had me roll over on the bed with my legs apart but still on the ottoman.  This he said is position 2.  He proceeded to checked my toes (smack on the bottom twice for a broken toenail), my feet, legs, face, mouth, ears (smack on the bottom for them needing cleaning), and breasts.  Then he checked more thoroughly my vagina.  He looked at the outside, how close my shave was, whether or not I had razor burn, etc.  Then he starting licking my clit, fingering my backside hole, and bringing me to orgasm.

Then he stood up and shoved his big cock inside of me. He gave instructions about the next inspection as he pounded into me.  If he announces that there will be an inspection after a shower, then I am to go directly after it into the bedroom and assume position 1 until he arrives for the inspection, regardless of how long it takes him to get there.

Because we have been having sex three to four times a day for the last month or so, I am quite sore.  Today, my vagina feels raw and swollen so his thrusting hurt in that good kind of way.  Once he noticed that, he made me beg for him to hurt me.  He grabbed my hair, smacked my face, and deeply thrusted into me while expecting me to not resist and requiring me to beg him for it.

It was HOT!

Afterwards, I was so dizzy, I had to lie on the bed for 20 minutes to get back to normal.

PlayTime

I came home a bit early from work yesterday. There was 1/2 hour before we had to leave to pick up the kids from school.  HoH told me to take off my clothes except my underwear, and lie on the bed. I did.  The cuffs came out, and my arms were restrained.  The gag ball was placed around my head.  He slid my panties to the side, and slowly inserted a glass dildo into me, and pulled out the riding crop.  He proceeded to smack my nipples, with occasional relief by focusing on my clit area and the sides of my thighs/bottom.

After doing that until my nipples stung, he removed the dildo and shoved his manhood deep inside of me.  Quickly (we didn't have much time) he finished off on my stomach, and rubbed his cum all into my underwear and stomach.  He unhooked my wrists, and ordered me to get dressed in my cum-soaked underwear.  We left to get the kids from school.

Fast forward to the evening...

More fun was in store. Lots of orgasms for the both of us...excellent nipple play...multiple flips of position...dirty promises and scenarios professed...and finally, sleep.

Fast forward to this morning...

He told me to get it hard. Lick-suck-stroke. And then taken hard and fast, fingered, nipples pulled...and the promise of more tonight.

I am so sore. Lord help me!

----

This is a poem I found the other day...I imagine these are HoH's words...and maybe what will be in store for me tonight. <3

I Can’t Wait

I can’t wait

to get you
where I want
you to be:
on your back
with your hands
tied & your
legs spread
eagle,
blindfolded
so I can look
at you with
reckless
abandon
& you can’t
do a damn thing
about it

I will take
what is mine

& have my way
& fuck you
till I am
spent
& you are
left wondering
what day
of the week it is
& whether or not
the wet patch
is on your side
of the bed
or mine

Poem © Copyright 2010 Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved

Cracks and Belts

There is a minor detail that I left out of my back story. More like major detail. And one I don't care to reveal at this time. I can tell you that it is a painful part of our marriage, and I am still trying to overcome the pain associated with it.  Often times, I feel as if I am cracked, and will never feel repaired. I second guess the decision to give this marriage another chance. I call these my Sad Days.

Yesterday was a Sad Day. HoH and I fought, processed, discussed, argued, and it all led to hurt feelings, moments of hopelessness, and bad juju.  We carried on this way all the way until bedtime. I knew we did not want to go to bed hurt and feeling this way.  I suggested that he find a way to get a lecture out of this, spank me, and then we could have sweet sex (instead of our usual rough -n- dirty stuff).  I knew I was going to have trouble getting over-the-hump to feel close before bed. HoH didn't really want to spank me because of all the hurt I was feeling. I asked him to find a way.

He gave me a lecture about creating distance between us, and said he was going to spank me because I had widened that gap. He decided upon 8 licks with a belt. This was a first time for the belt.  I bent over the bed, and he pulled down my pants and underwear.  Oh sweet sting!

Afterwards, we tried our hardest to have nice, sweet lovemaking...but it only degraded into slut talk and rough sex. No complaints here.

The back story:

First the Bedroom
After over 20 years of marriage, and a terrible sex life for most of it, my husband and I discovered something in the bedroom that worked for us - for him to take control and for me to play a submissive role.  It has been exciting and the best sex we have ever had in our marriage. Being a feminist, one would think that wouldn't work for me. But, for whatever reason, it does. I enjoy giving up the control, and trusting him to take care of my needs.  I enjoy erotic humiliation, light pain, giving up some of the control, and a little roughness; he enjoys being in charge, light bondage, and lingerie/dressing up. While my husband would love our dom/sub relationship (for lack of a better description) to be 24/7, at this point, I am only interested in it for bedroom time.

The Household
In searching to learn a little more about the ways in which we were engaging in the bedroom, I came across a website for domestic discipline. The non-Religious form of it.  I was intrigued!  Spanking! Correction for things that are detrimental to the relationship! Submitting to that discipline but retaining one's autonomy within the relationship!  Yes...I wanted to give this a try. I discussed with my husband, and he agreed that he would like to give it a try. From this point on, I will refer to him as HoH (head of household).

What This Looks Like
Submissive relationship in the bedroom
Domestic Discipline outside of the bedroom
Blog to record this new adventure
Connection to a stronger degree with my husband

This is our journey...which started YESTERDAY!