Red Rover, Red Rover...

Send DOUBT on over...

This may seem hard to believe considering how wonderful our DD experience has been going, but a couple of days ago, HoH (after a long day of us fighting) decided that we were not going to do DD anymore.  Deep down, he was harboring a lot of guilt for those times that he has not made good decisions, about ongoing character deficits, or just his struggle in general with being a flawed human being, as we all are.  He was feeling something like this:  How can I punish my wife when she is a better person than me?  How can I spank her for little things when I screw up all the time, too?

Me? I was devastated.  I had a meeting that night, and I was completely distracted and upset. For the next day, I made no effort at all. I started to feel depressed.  I tried to explain to HoH what made this what I wanted.  I told him that it was special and unique to us as a couple. Something that we are bonding over.  Something that we can already see improvements in our relationship.  That it made me feel like he cared, loved me, and it gave me structure. That it made him step up in a way I have never seen him do before, and that made me proud and turned on.

Then I promptly posted the dilema on the Experience Project boards.

One person, Epaster, stated:

This is a common dilemma for us modern HOHs. What right do I have to spank her over something minor, when I also have behavior issues? The answer is that even though I am not a perfect man, she is still a woman. She needs me to protect, guide, and correct her. As a woman, she has no need or desire to correct me. Intellectually, she may desire equality, but emotionally, she needs me to be in charge.

We have learned that it is essential for our marriage, that I enforce even the minor misbehaviors with a spanking. By doing so we avoid having to deal with more major problems that can lead to distrust and hurt feelings between us.

I loved this answer! I would modify one sentence though. For me, it isn't that I have no need or desire to correct HoH. Rather, it is that I have learned through DD that the better option and the most effective way for him to change his behavior is to put the burden of self-correction on him rather than me point it out to him constantly or in the moment.

Another person, JennaR, a well respected voice in the community, stated:

That is understandable. The policy of he apologizes and your both forgive him and move on can be difficult for people to handle at first. 

However, The owner of a company makes mistakes he apologizes to his staff everyone goes on. Family is the same as a business in this way. Sir is the Head of the Household in the same way as a boss is head of his company. 

Everything he does is for the best for that company and it's staff. Yes he is human, no he is not perfect. As long as he continues to work toward bettering himself he is doing well.

Her response was so practical and the comparison made it easy to understand that one does not have to be perfect to live this way, just always continuing to be the best person he could be.

We briefly had another discussion today about DD. I think that he understands how important it is to me, and he has decided that yes, he can find a way to get over this hump. However...I am in for a spanking due to the last two days of, er, slacking!