Maintenance Spanking

You may not know, but I have been coughing for about 2 months now, and have been experiencing extreme exhaustion for a few months. I have had in-depth blood work done and other tests for the exhaustion, but the coughing is fairly new. Today I had to use the inhaler a few times to be able to catch all of my breath.  (Not to worry! Doctor appointment on Tuesday for the cough!)

This did not stop HoH from directing me to stand up, pull my pants down, and lean over the bed.  I protested the whole time. "What are you doing?  I don't feel well!"  He calmly explained that I was getting a maintenance spanking, and to do what he says.

Hand on the bare bottom. Ouch!

He didn't do a lot of them, but they were all in the same spot on the same cheek. Outside the bedroom door, the dogs were going ballistic, trying to get in the room (at the sound of the smacks). They ended up turning on each other so the maintenance stopped a little early.

Well, friends...it instantly made me aroused. Out of nowhere, I wanted HoH's manhood in my hand, or my mouth, or inside of me.  I wanted the crop out, and I wanted to feel its sting on my nipples. I started having great fantasies that involved me looking hot (not with my hair sticking out and pale like I look at this scary moment!). Yes, that is all it took, a maintenance spank - to put me in the mood, and in submissive mode.

Double Trouble or The Hand and The Belt

Yes, it has happened - spanked twice in one day.

This afternoon, when the family arrived home, I was just plain off.  I couldn't stop repetitive thoughts about past marital and life failures, and I was bubbling with anger and sadness.  I started right away on HoH, chastising him and being critical.  I couldn't shake it. I wanted him to feel the same pain I was feeling. I pushed and pushed until he made the decision.  In the room. Door shut. TV turned up loud. Pants down. Undies on. The Hand. I have no idea how many I got, but I do know that it hurt after only something like 4 or 5 of them. I would guess I got around 20 solid, hard spanks.

It helped, a little.

Fast forward a few hours, after spending time at the park with our friends and one large gin drink later. Mouthy. Yes, that is probably the right word. HoH and I were just not connected.  After arguing about dinner, and who would make it, and various other thing, I thought he was getting up to make dinner. Instead he shut the door, took off his belt, and again, it was punishment time.  Over the underwear. Belt. 15 solid hits. OUCH! My bottom is bright red. It stings really badly.

This was the break through spank. I am feeling much better. I feel like some of that darkness was let go.  The sting is reminding me that I am cared for. That it matters when we aren't connected.  That I should and can be the better person that I want to be. That it is time to get back into submissive mode, where things are easier.

The Better-Late-Than-Never Spanking

The hard thing about DD for us is that we are coming off a rocky time in our marriage, and things like TRUST and LEADERSHIP are hard for me to always grant to my HoH.  Recently he made a few bad decisions, and quite frankly, I felt that I should be the HoH.  How can he be the one I am supposed to trust, give my control to, and show respect/honor to?  In light of these poor decisions HoH made, I felt that DD needed to be suspended.  I mean, really, at the end of the day, how can I be submissive to someone who would be willing to risk the trust of his family with poor decisions.  I also felt betrayed, hurt, upset, angry, sad, and hopeless.  This lasted for days.

We have debated, fought, argued...he has admitted where he was wrong, apologized, and promised to do better/improve.  I have struggled with what I want to do. It isn't always so cut and dry, this DD, especially when one has had a 22 year marriage, the last few years of which have been (understatement) complicated.

Today, I decided that I would try to move past this latest hiccup.  He has been dying to spank me for reconnection reasons.  He got to do that today. On the bed. Over clothes, then over underwear, then bare butt. By hand. I won't lie - I have missed it. The sweet sting was a welcome feeling, helping me to move forward.

We are back.

The Fantasy of It

The fantasy of it - pulling my panties down in shame, bending over, getting my bottom smacked over and over and over again...the bright red glorious sting...

I look at spanking photographs, and I fantasize this scenario quite regularly.  It makes me crave a spanking, it makes me tingle in the nether-area, it makes me want to be touched.

And then...when the reality of the situation occurs...it is NOTHING like the fantasy.  It is painful. Real pain. In that moment, I want it to end, for it to be more like bedroom play spankings. Afterwards...back to the fantasy as I deal with the bright red glorious sting...

This is pretty much how the last two days have gone.  Yesterday, due to messes I left around the bedroom, and yet another episode of me (for some reason) not being able to get passed something in the past, I came home from work and was told that I was in for a spanking.  All the way until the actual event, I was slightly heady from the fantasy of it.

The reality of it?  Two whacks into being spanked with a wooden bathroom back scrubber, the thing broke in two!  The punishment of 15 licks continued with the thin wooden handle of the broken implement.  OUCH!  Not fun, and I had a little trouble staying in position.  After the discipline spanking, he continued with his hand for an additional 7 or 8 for stress relief.  My poor bottom!

Today, after leaving the same items out (I failed to clean up the mess that resulted in yesterday's spanking), I was told I was getting another spanking.  I actually thought, Lucky me! Woo hoo! Bring it! How soon I forget, and how I underestimated how badly it would hurt since I was just spanked yesterday.

Personally, I think the warm up should have counted as spankings.  My bottom was so sore after the warm up, that after the first whack with the clear paddle, I jumped out of position, begging for my poor bottom.  Because of that, he didn't count that whack.  Staying in position was nearly impossible.  I don't want to be restrained for spankings, but I cannot see how I can stay in position otherwise. I must be a major wimp.  Regardless, somehow I made it through the only 8 whacks, unrestrained and barely able to cope.

You would think that all of this would cure my fantasy...not really! I can't wait for all the love and pain that comes with my man keeping things in line. 

Over the Knee

We were supposed to be packing and preparing to go out of town. However, as happens a lot with me lately, I started to obsessively think about past problems.  Couple that with being on my period, and feeling cranky...and you have an ugly mess.  I pretty much unleashed a hurricane of anger, past hurt, current hurt, insecurities, and whatever else you can think of - I am sure it was in the mix.  None of this is without warrant, and it was triggered by something insensitive that my HoH said, but it spiraled into tears, anger, and a pain that felt unbearable.  When it was all said and done, HoH took me downstairs for a spanking. He said mainly it was for my tone and to try to lessen this huge gap between us. I laid over him and asked if he could use his hand.

Why would I do that?  Something about the intimacy of being across his lap...of being so close...of him using his hand...seemed to feel right to me.  He decided that he would be fine with that.  He offered 10 on one cheek or 15 on alternating cheeks, no warm up.  I chose alternating cheeks. He lifted my skirt, pulled my panties down, and began.  It stung.  I tried my hardest to relax and accept the punishment, but the last two caused me to rear up (but not get out of position). Then we were done. He held me a bit and then we were significantly passed where we had been. Since we were behind in getting ready, we continued packing, and were on our way.

This is one of those things, though, as I reflect, that I struggle with.   This idea or actual practice of being submissive outside of the bedroom.  Of being respectful 100% of the time, especially when he is making a mistake, or my feelings are being provoked, or when I am not feeling enamored with him.  Is it all willpower? How does one get into the groove when not feeling in the groove at that moment?  How is it possible to control one's emotions when one is experiencing them intensely?

The advice I have gotten so far has to do with actions - to do what I think will please him, and then continue to do that, taking pleasure in those times that I realize I am making him happy by doing that. I feel like I am working toward trying to follow the rules, but maybe am not being proactive in trying to do what he might find pleasurable or what might make him happy. I will certainly try to be more conscious of that.