Paddling in the Tears

Today was a tiny breakthrough.  For the first time ever, I cried during a spanking.

The day started off great, but at one point, we disagreed about something involving one of our children, and the ensuing debate (he called it an argument) got a little heated. He left the room in a huff after raising his voice at me.

Once he calmed down, we descended to the basement to the Spank Room.  The paddle came out. The lecture consisted of him retelling how it came that he yelled, his apology for raising his voice, his view that I was not listening but rather over-talking him, and that since this was not going to be a part of our relationship, a spanking must happen.

The pants went down.

The underwear went down.

My belly went down so that I was leaning over a storage bench.

Once in position, the warm up started. The warm up HURT. Once the real spanking started, it was a little unbearable. I started sobbing. Begging. Turning.  Crying some more. Begging some more. Turning some more.  When it was all said and done, I got a few extras for not staying still.

When I got up, and he brought me to his arms, I continued crying. I couldn't stop. A "release" (for lack of a better word) occurred, and the tears flowed. First time ever during a spanking.

It was cleansing.

The Better-Late-Than-Never Spanking

The hard thing about DD for us is that we are coming off a rocky time in our marriage, and things like TRUST and LEADERSHIP are hard for me to always grant to my HoH.  Recently he made a few bad decisions, and quite frankly, I felt that I should be the HoH.  How can he be the one I am supposed to trust, give my control to, and show respect/honor to?  In light of these poor decisions HoH made, I felt that DD needed to be suspended.  I mean, really, at the end of the day, how can I be submissive to someone who would be willing to risk the trust of his family with poor decisions.  I also felt betrayed, hurt, upset, angry, sad, and hopeless.  This lasted for days.

We have debated, fought, argued...he has admitted where he was wrong, apologized, and promised to do better/improve.  I have struggled with what I want to do. It isn't always so cut and dry, this DD, especially when one has had a 22 year marriage, the last few years of which have been (understatement) complicated.

Today, I decided that I would try to move past this latest hiccup.  He has been dying to spank me for reconnection reasons.  He got to do that today. On the bed. Over clothes, then over underwear, then bare butt. By hand. I won't lie - I have missed it. The sweet sting was a welcome feeling, helping me to move forward.

We are back.