Practicing Submission

Submission is not my normal state. I am a leader, and one who enjoys organizing, accomplishing, planning, and producing. I do that in the work place, in my religious life, and in my volunteer work. A lot of people rely on me, and I enjoy the benefit of self-satisfaction when I accomplish my goals. Traditionally, at home, I also had a strong voice, and exercised control over that area of my life. Therefore, submissiveness has been a challenge for me.

I do find submission in the bedroom to be much easier than out of the bedroom. In the bedroom, there is something electrifying about having to do what one is told, or be touched at will, or not being the director of the scene. I have been trying to stretch myself in that area, doing things I don't really want to do but doing so anyway because my HoH would find it pleasing.  Even typing that makes me on some level cringe, and on some level be proud at my growth in this area. Some of the things I have done to try to tap into my submissiveness in the bedroom:

Had sex in the closet with the door shut and while the light in there was off when I was trying to get ready. Usually, I would say "Not now!" but I just turned to face the shoe rack and hold on, took my panties down, and let him enter me.

He asked me to retrieve a paper he asked me to throw away (I delegated it to my daughter), he discreetly shut the door and told me to carry it in my mouth, and crawl it to the trash can. I complied.

Without him asking, I shaved my entire nether region even though I HATE HATE HATE it like that. I did it to show him that I can and will submit to his will even though he didn't specifically ask.

I told him he had my permission to do what he wanted with or to me when I was sleeping last night. This is a big step for me, to give consensual non-consent. Again, I did this to show him that his pleasure is important, that my body is his to do with what he want, and that I trust him with my body.  He touched me while I slept, came all over my bottom, then rubbed it in to my bottom and back.

I have asked a few times, is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything you want me to do? Do you want a back rub? Can I get you anything?  This is NOT my normal default mode!

I have taken the initiative to look around for kink hotels that we could stay at if we ever get any extra money, and then I showed him the various rooms and what they look like.

I started a Pinterest page with things that I think would interest him, like Rope Work photographs, spanked photographs, lingerie photographs, erotic furniture/implements photographs, etc. Soon, when it is more populated, I will share the site with all of you in case you are interested in following it.