I haven't blogged in a while. I have been in a stress-funk that I cannot seem to climb out of. I feel paralyzed by it, and completely unmotivated. Most of the stress is financial...some of it about the future...some of it about my health...and some of it has to do with daily life overwhelming me. Sometimes I feel as if I have fallen into a deep hole, and there is no climbing out. Sometimes I just feel like I am in a soft, warm bed, and there is no reason to ever move or get up.
During this time of stress-funk, HoH has not done what I needed to help support me. Given that I don't really know exactly what will make me feel supported does not change that his ways to try to cope with my stress-funk have actually made it worse. When I need to be reassured and held, he gives space. When I need space, he makes demands. When I need some time to take my mind off of it, he seems not to notice. When I am upset, he doesn't comfort in the traditional sense of the word. When I express I don't feel supported, he gets defensive because he says he is trying and everything he tries is "wrong." There may be no right way, but everything seems to make my hole deeper...my bed more comfortable...which really means that it makes me want to disconnect from the world even more.
I am not one who is prone to things like instability, depression, neediness, or the like. I feel like I am trying to stay above water in certain areas, and although not failing, at least struggling. This struggle seems like fear trying to gulp me up.
I don't mean to sound dramatic, and I am certainly not so low that I need intervention. I am just in this spot that I am unfamiliar with and not quite certain how to kick its ass.